jack

[noobofspades]

You stop panicking and listen closer to the approaching noise.

After a few brief moments you realize that the sounds are actually a yodeling cowboy riding on his trusty steed, most likely to attend a lethal arrangement with a long lost nemesis.



The mysterious cowboy reaches the sign and dismounts his horse, and slaps it on the rear to send it away and avoid getting killed in the bloody duel that's about to take place
Not too long after, the counterpart arrives.

He (or she) is a catlike fiend and you can understand why someone would want to put a bullet in him.
You overhear their conversation. After a number of vile insults, you understand that the cowboy is called James, and the feline calls himself potifi, but says that friends call him lotar.
You and the cowboy both understand that he has no friends.



The vile beast was more cunning and fast than the cowboy anticipated. While James allows himself to blink, potifi draws his gun in one lightning fast motion and shoots the cowboy right in the kneecap. He falls screaming to the ground, but thanks to his lifelong experience in duels, manages to avoid the next deadly bullet.



You realize it's time to step in to correct this injustice. Knowing that potifi is a volatile child who overreacts to everything, you send him, or rather, create the idea of sending him a friend request on facebook. On the News Feed you also notice that straya won eurovision.
Status gained: Facebook account



The foul fiend suddenly breaks off his aim at James' head as he feels a vibration in his pocket. He takes his phone out, accepts, and both of you start having a friendly chat. It doesn't take long for you to gain his trust, while James is rolling on the ground in agony, and you send him a dick pic. Potifi opens it and is sent into a furious rage and despair, running away from the battlefield on all fours.



You decide to leave the scene as you are sure that none of what happened can be pinned on you. The cowboy's fate is left undetermined.
After a few minutes you run into a group of weeaboos, faggots and other types of internet losers. They call themselves freedom fighters and they ask that you make their clan great again. You, however, know fully well that AoS clans are dead and move on into the wasteland.



Current items:
None
Current status:
- Biexistential (ideal, shit)
- Advanced Philosophy
- Neutral Gayness
- Facebook account
- One case of manslaughter

[Shia LaBeouf]

im ashamed for knowing u

[Shia LaBeouf]

transform into a more humanoid form than the current one

[nuclearpotato]

make gen for president 2013

[noobofspades]

You turn around and roll, feeling guilty from having left the brave cowman behind with a serious wound.



He's still there, lying on the ground, the blood pool expanding further and further. He is taking it like a champ and not uttering a sound. Potifi's phone is still lying on the ground, sunlight bouncing off the dick pic on the screen.
You move in closer but the cowboy warns you that you will destroy him if you touch him, like you did with the criminal and his daddy.



He tells you that you are not meant for the troubles of mortals and must go on without ever interacting with people because of your destructive nature. Like Diogenes, you are meant to roll around and be but an observant of the vast world before you.
However, despite your advanced philosophy, his words fill you with immense frustration and despair and you begin to realize that biexistential ideal shit existence does not suit you in the earthly world. You must return to your roots and so you initiate metamorphosis of your shitty body.



At last you have thrown away the gifts of the Void and are reborn as the jack you once were, and although you stopped being ideal, the matter of your form is still comprised of shit. The cowboy passes out, but it is unclear whether it's from what he just saw, or from blood loss.
Existence lost: ideal
Existence gained: human



You finally have the ability to interact with earthly objects. You tie up the gunshot wound with the lasso lying nearby, pick up the phone and stick it inside your body. You proceed by picking up james and carrying him into the desert in search of a town.
Item gained: iPhone with dick pic on screen



Current items:
- iPhone with dick pic on screen (Internet access available)
Current status:
- Biexistential (humanoid, shit)
- Advanced Philosophy
- Neutral Gayness
- One case of manslaughter

[noobofspades]

I didn't consider some posts because they were incomrpherehsinble.
Cant you morons even try to make something remotely related to the story

[Shia LaBeouf]

i dont know about others but i didnt read a single post yet because of fear or cringe

[nuclearpotato]

make an emo facebook page with lotar

[Shia LaBeouf]

K　A　S　O　かそだになら
無敵ね　はっぴー　わーん　だ　らーん
死ん　だことも　忘れて
素敵ね　はっぴー　わーん　だ　らーん
だけどね　さみしくなる
それでも　はっぴー　わーん　だ　らーん

(ラップ１)
Hey yo！listen follow me！
カソダニで　hey what's up
やまびこで　届け私の
ギリッギリな　ぎゃーてーぎゃーてー

せーのっ　ぎゃーてーぎゃらって
ありったけの　ぜーむーとっしゅ
くらっくらな　犬耳を持つ
おは　よーごじゃいます。

ねーねー、はんにゃーはらった
ながっすぎーな記憶
かみさま　どこへ　あなわびし　あらら
ののさまだっけな

あいにく今日は　カソダニはオネム
手と手とのしわをあわせて　そのさきなむなむね
(ラップ１終わり)

へい　へい　ほー　金縛り　で　もて　なす　べい　べー
へい　へい　ほー　ごせんぞさま　だいじに　ふぁっきん　べいべー
へい　へい　ほー　うらめしや　で　もて　なす　べい　べー
へい　へい　ほー　ずっとついていくからね
（うらめしや～っ！）

K　A　S　O　かそだにになら
無敵ね　はっぴー　わーん　だ　らーん
死ん　だことも　忘れて
素敵ね　はっぴー　わーん　だ　らーん
だけどね　さみしくなる
それでも　はっぴー　わーん　だ　らーん

(ラップ２)
Hey yo！Go to hellへ！
カソダニで　please call me
やまびこで　届けあなたの
ギリッギリな　ぎゃーてーぎゃーてー！

ほらー、ぎゃーてーぎゃらって
いつの間に　ぜーむーとっしゅ
みちっみちな　ロリが好きなら
あり　がと　じゃいます

さーさっ、はんにゃーはらった
みそっかすな　夜は
えんかい　どこで　あなたのし　あらら
のみすぎたかな

あいにく今日は　カソダニはオネム
手と手とのしわをあわせて　そのさきなむなむね
(ラップ２終わり)

へい　へい　ほー　さんぼいん（三法印）　で　もて　なす　べい　べー
へい　へい　ほー　ねはんじゃくじょうならば　はっぴー　べいべー
へい　へい　ほー　赤い部屋　で　もて　なす　べい　べー
へい　へい　ほー　ずっとついていくからね
（やっぱり、うらめしや～っ！）

K　A　S　O　かそだにになら
無敵ね　はっぴー　わーん　だ　らーん
死ん　だことも　忘れて
素敵ね　はっぴー　わーん　だ　らーん
だけどね　さみしくなる
それでも　はっぴー　わーん　だ　らーん

(ラップ３)
Say HO! ガンガン鳴らせ
カソダニで　wake up yo!
やまびこで　届けみんなの
ギリッギリな　ぎゃーてーぎゃーてー

さんはい　ぎゃーてーぎゃらって
ありったけの　ぜーむーとっしゅ
もふっもふな　犬耳を持つ
おは　よーごじゃいます。

よーよー、はんにゃーはらった
うすっぺら弾幕
あのよへ　いけば　あなさみし　あらら
しんでるのってな

あいにく今日は　カソダニはオネム
手と手とのしわをあわせて　そのさきなむなむね
(ラップ３終わり)

へい　へい　ほー　金縛り　で　もて　なす　べい　べー
へい　へい　ほー　ごせんぞさま　だいじに　ふぁっきん　べいべー
へい　へい　ほー　うらめしや　で　もて　なす　べい　べー
へい　へい　ほー　ずっとついていくからね
(く～っ！うらめしやー！)

(ラップ４)
Hey yo！listen follow me！
カソダニで　hey whats up
やまびこで　届け世界の
ギリッギリな　ぎゃーてーぎゃーてー

せーのっ　ぎゃーてーぎゃらって
ありったけの　ぜーむーとっしゅ
くらっくらな　犬耳を持つ
おは　よーごじゃいます。

ねーねー、はんにゃーはらった
ながっすぎーな記憶
かみさま　どこへ　あなわびし　あらら
ののさまだっけかな

[noobofspades]

Kmaj I guess I have to remind you that only your last post counts towards your move.
But I am willing to ignore this rule if you specify in a post that you do not post it as a move.

[Shia LaBeouf]

team up with madoka against the other witches

[noobofspades]

As night falls, you set up a fire and a camp to rest.
The cowboy remains unconscious as you prop him against a rock. You get bored after keeping watch for a few hours, so you take out your phone and go on your Facebook, promptly closing the dick pic.



It seems that the feline fiend that you scared off before has obtained another phone and is bitching at you in the chat. You decide to bitch at him in return, and after exchanging ample complaints about your lives you agree that you should start a page focused on mood swings, bitching and black eyeliner.
Status updated: iPhone (Internet access available, Facebook account, Emo page co-adminned with potifi)

Potifi has also convinced you that you have helped James more than reason tells you to. It's time to move on with your life, and let nature have its way with the wounded man. You gather what's left of your morphing powers and twist and turn your limbs into those resembling the cowboy's as you understand that you would have to somehow blend in with the other humans.



Status updated: Biexistential (humanoid - Jackmes, shit)

You hope that he doesn't awake as you take off his clothes and force them upon your shitty body. They instantly become soaked with excrement and rip in some areas since you are at least a meter taller than him. You leave him behind as you waddle towards the nearest town which you found with google maps on the phone.
Got item: Cowboy hat
Got item: Cowboy clothing



As the Sun rises over the horizon, you wander into a wretched hive of scum and villainy that is Los Vagos. The townsfolk shut their doors and window shutters as they see (or smell) you walk into the town gates. Even a cowboyish greet does not convince them that you are a real boy.



Suddenly a group of witches emerge behind you and stand in your path. Another one called Madoka asks that you join forces with her against them. Not having any idea what's going on, you are unavoidably drawn into this conflict that i dont even know what am i supposed to do with.



Current items:
- iPhone (Internet access available, Facebook account, Emo page co-adminned with potifi)
- Cowboy hat (equipped)
- Cowboy clothing (equipped)
Current status:
- Biexistential (humanoid - Jackmes, shit)
- Advanced Philosophy
- Neutral Gayness
- One case of manslaughter
- Left cowboy James for dead (x2)

[Shia LaBeouf]

being madoka is suffering

[Shia LaBeouf]

make a pact with kyubey and become a magical girl yourself with a wish to stop posting anymore jack

[noobofspades]

Suddenly some cat pops up above the battleground and announces that if you are to participate in this battle fairly you need to have the same powers. You reluctantly accept his offer, but unfortunately, as he begins transforming you into a witch (not witcher™) you realize that he's also switched your gender. You have become a 15 year old anime girl with mystical powers that can do who knows what. You're ugly as fuck though and like any teenage bitch you feel depressed and just want to kys and stop this story from continuing.


Status updated: Biexistential (humanoid - Jakkumesu, shit)
Got item: Magic wand
Got item: Witch hat

Being ugly as you are shitty you decide that it would be more fitting to join the other hideous witches and destroy the other weeb. The cat conveniently disappears and a swarm of vultures begin circling the field. Meanwhile some citizens watch the scene from their houses.



Current items:
- iPhone (Internet access available, Facebook account, Emo page co-adminned with potifi)
- Cowboy hat (equipped)
- Cowboy clothing (equipped)
- Magic wand (equipped, unknown properties)
- Witch hat (equipped, unknown properties)
Current status:
- Biexistential (humanoid - Jackumesu, shit)
- Ugly as fuck
- Witch
- Advanced Philosophy
- Neutral Gayness
- One case of manslaughter
- Left cowboy James for dead (x2)