Build and Shoot

Hello! This is a application for a club called {$} which is really nice community and invloves lots of fun! For example in the future I will be making my very own {$} server to have a face-off with other clans. It will be pretty epic! This clan is all about trying to increase your kills and getting to know other people who is a professional or trying to become one! Its a really nice environment and you will love to be part of it!

Club members:
marvellousMEEMEE (me obviously)
Kili............Rank 1
guilhermefiore.................Rank 1

Ranks (Up to 5):

(low rank)Rank 1: Stayed on this clan for one week and talking to the community. (being friendly basically) add this to your name {1$1}

(low rank)Rank 2: Stayed on this clan for 2 weeks or had 1 to 10 kills on our very own {$} server for one match.Add this to your name {2$2}

(Standered)Rank 3: Stayed on this clan for 3 weeks or had 10 to 30 kills on our very own {$} server for one match.Add this to your name {3$3}

(Standered)Rank 4: Stayed on this clan for 4 weeks or had 30 to 50 kills on our very own {$} server for one match.Add this to your name {4$4}

(Standered)Rank 5: Stayed on this clan for 5 weeks AND had 50 to 70 kills on our very own {$} server for one match.Add this to your name {5$5}


Club Rules:
*You may NOT move on to next rank without requesting or without my permission
*DO NOT lie to move to next rank or any other purposes
*Be kind and play fair (No hacking or you will be reported to admin aswell as being perbanned to this game and the club)
*Tell the truth on the comments section in our clan page how long you stayed in the clan for the ranks. DO NOT LIE!

To join now or later on make sure you fill out this application:
Age:
Skype name (if you have):
Where you live:
Why you interested to be in this clan:
Your reason for us to accept you:
Gaming Tip:
Gun you use mostly use:

We will be making our own server soon in the future but for now we will playing on any ahola.pk maps.JOIN NOW TO GET A BETTER CHANCE TO BE ACCEPTED

Good job! Way better than the last thread. Now you just have to wait for apps.

Yes, I agree. Way better than your other one. Now you may get a few more people!

Ok sure. Just they are very easy to move on to the next rank and so on

Thank you I appreciate it that you read the thread

A critique, made using VIM because it's superior to using a text box.

marvellousMEEMEE wrote:

Hello! This is a application for a club called {$} which is really nice community and invloves lots of fun! For example in the future I will be making my very own {$} server to have a face-off with other clans. It will be pretty epic!

Nice to have some excitement. Just don't get too excited.

marvellousMEEMEE wrote:

This clan is all about trying to increase your kills and getting to know other people who is a professional or trying to become one! Its a really nice environment and you will love to be part of it!

For the last time, stop referring to people as "pros".
The "trying to increase your kills" bit actually sounds like a good idea, many clans say that they "only want the best" or something like that which is really not a good idea... Wait. Let's read on.

marvellousMEEMEE wrote:

Ranks (Up to 10):

(low rank)Rank 1: Stayed on this clan for one week and talking to the community. (being friendly basically) add this to your name {1$1}
(low rank)Rank 2: Stayed on this clan for 2 weeks or had 1 to 10 kills on our very own {$} server for one match.Add this to your name {2$2}
(Standered)Rank 3: Stayed on this clan for 3 weeks or had 10 to 30 kills on our very own {$} server for one match.Add this to your name {3$3}
(Standered)Rank 4: Stayed on this clan for 4 weeks or had 30 to 50 kills on our very own {$} server for one match.Add this to your name {4$4}
(Standered)Rank 5: Stayed on this clan for 5 weeks AND had 50 to 70 kills on our very own {$} server for one match.Add this to your name {5$5}

NO.
There are two things wrong with this.
1. Kill-based ranks are terrible, do not use them.
2. Having a shitload of ranks is overengineering your clan.

marvellousMEEMEE wrote:

(Building up to become quite skilled)Rank 6: Not depending how long you are on this clan or how active you are but depending on
if you have reached 200 kills added on all the kills you have so far when you played the matches on our server.Add this to your name {6$6}
(Building up to start a bit pro)Rank 7: Reached 250 kills one match on our server (Don't worry,just you then need to stay on server
for quite a long time to reach that many kills) Add this to your name {7$7}
(Half way to become pro)Rank 8: Stay on clan for 7 weeks and if you reached 1000 kills altogether you have so far when you played the matches on our server.Add this to your name {8$8}
(Officiall a Pro)Rank 9: Stayed on clan for 9 weeks and stayed quite active getting involved in our tournaments against other clans.Add this to your name {P$P}

Great, you're marketing what it is to be a "pro" by some very childish-sounding measure.

For reference, a professional is someone who gets paid to do work. You are not getting paid.

marvellousMEEMEE wrote:

(A trusted person who is the boss assistant. There can be more than one)Rank 10: Finally,the last clan which completed all the ranks and is my assistant and stayed on this clan for 3 months.Add this to your name {PA$PA} (PA stands for personal assistant)

This is perfectly reasonable (ignoring the general horribleness of the overengineered rank system), a critique though is that your clantag grows by 2 characters, which means that you lose 2 characters of breathing room for your actual name.

marvellousMEEMEE wrote:

Club rules:
*You must go and play ace of spades at least once a week (if you're grounded or any other reasons make sure you pm otherwise you will be kicked)

Sorry, can't stand that stupid, easy-to-avoid grammatical mistake.
Anyhow, I personally don't like this rule. I recommend just saying that you have one main method of communication and that everyone has to use it unless there is a reason they cannot. Said method of communication will be IRC, as everything else is terrible. Accept no substitutes.

marvellousMEEMEE wrote:

*You may NOT move on to next rank without requesting or without my permission
*DO NOT lie to move to next rank or any other purposes

It worries me that you have to say this. I believe you need to actually test people that you're considering letting in, before you ACTUALLY let them into the clan (in-game and over IRC).

marvellousMEEMEE wrote:

*Be kind and play fair (No hacking or you will be reported to admin aswell as being perbanned to this game and the club)

This is a good rule, and you actually put it fairly well.

marvellousMEEMEE wrote:

*Tell the truth on the comments section in our clan page how long you stayed in the clan for the ranks. DO NOT LIE!

You can actually keep track of how long people have been in your clan. Anyhow, with that said, you really only need 2 ranks for now: Member, and Leader.

marvellousMEEMEE wrote:

To join now or later on make sure you fill out this application:
Age:
Skype name (if you have):
Where you live:
Why you interested to be in this clan:
You reason for us to accept you:
Gaming Tip:
Gun you use mostly use:

This is fine, although you might want to use better grammar.

marvellousMEEMEE wrote:

We will be making our own server soon in the future but for now we will playing on any ahola.pk maps.JOIN NOW TO GET A BETTER CHANCE TO BE ACCEPTED

Fair enough.

One general critique is that, unless you actually know how to spell well, use a spellchecker. Also, check your grammar - saying "your" when you mean "you're" is really going to hinder your chances of being taken seriously.

So yeah, a quick summary:

• Fix your first post for spelling/grammar
• Don't bother with ranks for now
• Stop using the term "professional"
• Get an IRC channel and get everyone to use it (Skype should be OK but seriously, IRC is the way to go, it's an easy open standard to implement and is available on 99% of platforms... even DOS, I think)
• If you're not doing this already, make sure you test your players before accepting them

I wish you the best with your clan, and look forward to a good match in the near future :)

People are saying that the kills in the ranks are a stupid idea. Actually,I am trying to increase their kills by trying to make the, try their best each time which will then lead them to try their best all the time and have a great laugh shooting people's faces off!

omg i cant belive you made our clan 0.0 umm sos i couldnt help cuz i am grounded *now) cool omg YA JOIN DACLAN

Lol make application 2 join

marvellousMEEMEE wrote:

People are saying that the kills in the ranks are a stupid idea. Actually,I am trying to increase their kills by trying to make the, try their best each time which will then lead them to try their best all the time and have a great laugh shooting people's faces off!

It's MUCH more important to have fun than to be "good".
Also you still have far too many ranks.

lots of ranks yet no members leaves you with just a wall of useless text, redo your ranks and you might have a chance at something here

What I would do is start off with three ranks and as more people join increase them. Saying 'epic' and 'professional' too much is a bit... stupid. But apart from that it was pretty good. I'd just leave out some of those symbols, they can discourage people from reading them properly...