Roasted Chestnuts - A Christmas Miracle
Posted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 1:43 am
This is a short story meant to teach the meaning of Christmas.
Viewer discretion is advised.
The current cast:
I knocked on the door of aloha.pk's server, waiting to be let in. I thought about the letter that I had received yesterday, and went over it in my head a second time:
I looked to my left and saw Reuben and tin smoking aimpot. Evidently this might have been Lemon's backup plan if people didn't find the party dank enough. I sighed and suddenly realized that I actually had a 2-ton barrel filled with macaroni in my hands and actually couldn't knock on the door, and instead just imagined it. Fuck. I slammed my head on the door twice. Hard. Not because I wanted to hurt myself, I just wanted to get in and get rid of all the cheese.
The door swung open - former DELTA member and moderator Lemon's smiling face appeared before me.
"Hey, what's up? How's modding been?"
"Good. Cheese. Too much."
The cheese suddenly shrank back to a more appropriate size. Thank you, #basedgod #bitchmob #taskforce for giving me this gift.
I stepped in the front door, and scoped out the scene: spotting a flying tophat and a buffalo with a beret had been seated across from eachother, ZEB 99, SNPR wearing the avatar I drew, [RUS]Vlad01 praying to the Russian gods, Bigcheecho preoccupied with nationstates and a few other things on a tablet, playzookie looking about just as intently as I was. Our eyes met and he gave me that "the fuck you looking at?" look, despite being an abstract figure. The Vet Noob lay sprawled across several chairs, Kuma, and DrSandwich.
Suddenly, ZEB clutched his left arm and shuddered. He reeled back, slamming his head into the wall, sending blood and grey-matter flying, before he lay still. Playzookie, not being one to deny a perfect opportunity, picked up his body, slung him across his shoulder, and went up the stairs.
With the annual blood sacrifice finished, we sat around the pentagram and chanted in a dead language. Zekamalikyd appeared in the chimney, looking slightly more demonic than usual.
"Ho ho ho, bitches. I bring German weapon mods for you faggots and tidings of pain."
He then proceeded to beat the living shit out of anybody in the vicinity, aiming at nobody in particular. I simply took out my aimpot knowing this would be a long night.
The tophat suffered the worst beating, but due to being a tophat, was entirely unharmed.
"Anybody up for some tennis?"
Several nods where seen from various people.
The crowd filed out the door and everybody knew the true meaning of Christmas, yet again, taught every year. Reuben and tin then opened fire on them and killed everybody, before beating each other with spades and blowing themselves up.
MARRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY.
Viewer discretion is advised.
The current cast:
Spoiler:
"Christmas dinner
Where?
aloha.pk
When?
16:00 - Whenever the hell we feel like leaving/We get smashed and pass out
What to bring:
Sniping skills for trick-shot drinking game
aimpot
a medium-sized dish
~Lemon"
I always had my skills on-hand, but I doubted that they would do me any good at a trick-shot competition - I'm no CoDfish. I installed an injector so that I could use an aimpot if I needed to, but kept it off in case anybody caught me. The dish I brought was macaroni. Fuckin' DOPE cheese.Where?
aloha.pk
When?
16:00 - Whenever the hell we feel like leaving/We get smashed and pass out
What to bring:
Sniping skills for trick-shot drinking game
aimpot
a medium-sized dish
~Lemon"
I looked to my left and saw Reuben and tin smoking aimpot. Evidently this might have been Lemon's backup plan if people didn't find the party dank enough. I sighed and suddenly realized that I actually had a 2-ton barrel filled with macaroni in my hands and actually couldn't knock on the door, and instead just imagined it. Fuck. I slammed my head on the door twice. Hard. Not because I wanted to hurt myself, I just wanted to get in and get rid of all the cheese.
The door swung open - former DELTA member and moderator Lemon's smiling face appeared before me.
"Hey, what's up? How's modding been?"
"Good. Cheese. Too much."
The cheese suddenly shrank back to a more appropriate size. Thank you, #basedgod #bitchmob #taskforce for giving me this gift.
I stepped in the front door, and scoped out the scene: spotting a flying tophat and a buffalo with a beret had been seated across from eachother, ZEB 99, SNPR wearing the avatar I drew, [RUS]Vlad01 praying to the Russian gods, Bigcheecho preoccupied with nationstates and a few other things on a tablet, playzookie looking about just as intently as I was. Our eyes met and he gave me that "the fuck you looking at?" look, despite being an abstract figure. The Vet Noob lay sprawled across several chairs, Kuma, and DrSandwich.
Suddenly, ZEB clutched his left arm and shuddered. He reeled back, slamming his head into the wall, sending blood and grey-matter flying, before he lay still. Playzookie, not being one to deny a perfect opportunity, picked up his body, slung him across his shoulder, and went up the stairs.
With the annual blood sacrifice finished, we sat around the pentagram and chanted in a dead language. Zekamalikyd appeared in the chimney, looking slightly more demonic than usual.
"Ho ho ho, bitches. I bring German weapon mods for you faggots and tidings of pain."
He then proceeded to beat the living shit out of anybody in the vicinity, aiming at nobody in particular. I simply took out my aimpot knowing this would be a long night.
The tophat suffered the worst beating, but due to being a tophat, was entirely unharmed.
"Anybody up for some tennis?"
Several nods where seen from various people.
The crowd filed out the door and everybody knew the true meaning of Christmas, yet again, taught every year. Reuben and tin then opened fire on them and killed everybody, before beating each other with spades and blowing themselves up.
MARRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY.
